I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
