If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
