Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
