Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
where are my eyebrows?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
