Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize