yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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