How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just google imaged poop.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
