apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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