if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
