He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
