I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize