he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
