My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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