In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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