did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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