Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
