I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
