We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
