Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
