Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
