well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
