no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
