So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
