I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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