The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
