It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
