she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize