Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
