WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
