I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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