highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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