we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
