State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
