I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
