Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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