I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
