come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize