Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
