Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
