i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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