obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
