I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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