I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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