We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
