Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
