No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
