You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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