I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
