haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
