I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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