its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
