Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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