i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize