I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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