He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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