So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
