Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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