You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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