my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
