worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
