Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
