You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
