You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
