what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
