So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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