my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He did a backflip because drugs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
