I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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