He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
