Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
