Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
