I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
