She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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