Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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