oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
