Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
