i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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