I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
