oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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