I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We got so high we made milksteak
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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