just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
