You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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