im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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