he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
