last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
