Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
