your parents love me but you hate me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
