I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
