Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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