God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
