i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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