shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
