I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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