I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize