Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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