They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
