just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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