I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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