Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
