FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
