Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
