just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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