well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
