and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize