Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
