piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
