just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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