just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
