before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
