I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
