One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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