I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
