i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
