Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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