i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
