you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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