look no pants
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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