whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
