You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
