She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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