I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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